We woke up early and got as ready as we could. But honestly, no amount of preparation—not the weeks of reading books, not the pep talks, not the shopping trips for the perfect backpack—can actually prepare you for the emotions that hit.

He’s got his tiny little backpack on, but the feelings? They’re big. Really big.

First Day of School.
First Day of School.

I want to be excited, I am excited, but all I can think about is how this school, these teachers are about to have my whole entire heart walk through their classroom door.

He’s my boy.
My shy and sensitive boy.
The one who loves to make friends, but whose favorite place in the world is still tucked away with me.

Of course I’ll stand there and pretend to be excited. Pretend to be strong. I’ll wave and give kisses goodbye like this is the happiest moment ever. Of course I’ll wipe away his little tears when he says, “Mommy, Daddy, don’t go!” and I’ll tell him he’s going to have the best time, make so many friends, and learn all the things.
And I know he will.

But why does it feel like I’m losing a little piece of my boy as I walk out the door?

Is it because this is the official beginning of his own book—his own stories? The part where “Mommy” becomes “Mom,” and memories start forming that no longer revolve around the world of just us?

Is it because I can’t hold on to this stage forever—this stage where what he knows is all he knows, and where magic is always real?

Is it because, even though I know he needs to see a little bit of “ugly” to build resilience, I still want to protect the chaos and the intimate beauty of this sweet, fleeting season?

While it hurts, I’m so grateful. Grateful to have had a chapter so beautiful, it’s hard to leave behind. Grateful that he gets to grow into everything he’s meant to be.

Maybe it’s moments like these—the ones where you can literally feel yourself leaving your heart at the door—that are here to remind us: time is a treasure, and we’ll never have enough of it.

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To my boy, on your first day of school,

This world is so big, and this is the first step for you into seeing that. You will become all you are meant to be, and each of the moments you will face and decisions you will make from here on out, will be roadmaps into creating you to be the boy, the man, you were destined to be. Life wont always be easy, the kids around you wont always be nice and they wont all want to be your friend and thats okay. Just always be the bigger person, The kindest one in the room. Be honest and be true and live to see the good in others. Keep your intentions pure and always be the friend everyone wants on their side. Love and love with everything you’ve got and don’t let a second of life slip you by. Pain will exist and your heart will break…especially if you have a heart like mine… but remember not to let that pain make you cold. Don’t ever lose hope, no matter what you’re told, you’re proof that anything can come true. You’ll go far my little love and I hope you never limit your dreams. Please, on your way to big things, just remember mamas words;

Always be the better person, the kindest one in the room…

I love you I love you I love you.

With Heart,

Mama,

Riley Benado